How to successfully integrate the baby into the sibling group?
Dr. Valleteau de Moulliac,
Consulting Pediatrician for Laboratoires Sarbec
You are about to or have just welcomed a new child and are wondering how to integrate them smoothly into their sibling group.
Be aware that a child—especially between the ages of 1 and 3—may sometimes have difficulty with the arrival of a baby in the family. They may feel jealous or neglected and believe that the newcomer will take their place: it can be hard for them to share their parents’ attention. Of course, reactions can vary greatly from one child to another, depending on their age but also on how you have prepared them for the arrival of the newborn.
This may be expressed through overexcitement, pride, but also jealousy, sadness, resentment, or even infantile behavior, regression in toilet training, or eating habits.
Here are some tips:
- Tell them that you love them just as much as before and as much as your baby.
- Explain that everything you do with your newborn, you already did with them when they were a baby too, that there are things they can do on their own now but the baby, just like they once were, cannot yet.
- Let them express (and tolerate) their sadness or anger, but make it clear that you will not accept any aggressive behavior towards your baby.
- Let them create bonds with the baby by drawing their attention to the baby’s expressions, the way they react to voices, cuddles, stimulation… by involving them, giving them small responsibilities to help you according to their abilities.
- Let them play with the baby, of course under supervision, or show affection (hold them if it’s safe, cuddle, stroke, kiss them) and talk about the baby’s positive reactions in front of them.
- Emphasize the importance of their role as a big brother or sister to both the baby and those around you, while still allowing them to remain little and live as a child their age.
- Your eldest should not feel isolated or rejected: spend one-on-one time with them, not in quantity but in quality, being fully available for them. Of course, the father or grandparents can and should participate, especially if you are busy with the baby; do family activities together (walks, shopping, etc.).
- But don’t overdo it either. Don’t give them the feeling that you have something to make up for. This could only increase their potential anxiety or they might take advantage of it (there is no actor without an audience), and if this integration is stressing you out, above all, don’t show it.
With lots of tenderness, affection, and understanding, everything should go well.
